Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
