best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
