So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
