these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
