it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
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