The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize