Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
