Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
