Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
