I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
