im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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