So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
