So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
