And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i out mim tonsoeep
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
