No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
