It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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