Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize