Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
