Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
