My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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