I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize