wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Floor bacon is actually really good
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
