I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
