Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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