i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
