before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
