Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
