if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
