Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
