Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
