looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
