doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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