i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Well I just put wine in my tea
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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