and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
