Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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