I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
