When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
