no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
