I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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