weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
