he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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