Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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