There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
