Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
