I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
