I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
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