With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize