so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
