If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
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