Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
