If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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