I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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