You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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