hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize