I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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