Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
