I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
