i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
