The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
