Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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