It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
