nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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