My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
