she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
