Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just found a bag of teeth...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
