you guys were way drunker than both of me
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
