we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize