from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
you inspire me to be a worse person
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
