you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
