To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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