i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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