It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize